Gnarly. Shaun White A Douchebag, But Not For Sexual Assault

February 14, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Anyone watching the Olympics last night knows first and foremost that North Korean figure skaters are only allowed to pick outfits inspired by Tron, and secondly that snowboarder Shaun White is probably the biggest douchebag in the world. He’s a late-to-the-game Gen X-er who is moved to tears by his own success and says things […]

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Chicago News Station Thinks Winter Olympics At P.F. Chang’s

February 13, 2018 | WTF | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

As a Chicagoan I disagree with media coverage that portrays us as Mad Max, but I absolutely agree with any coverage that portrays us as people who think about food 24/7. This Saturday our local ABC station accidentally identified the most popular chain restaurant for poor people celebrating, P.F. Chang’s, as the location for the […]

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Tyra Banks Makes Danielle Herrington’s S.I. Cover About Her

February 13, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Danielle Herrington is the third black model ever to cover Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, which is a damn shame considering Chrissy Teigen graced the cover in 2014. Wasn’t there anyone else in the world? I mean Oprah would have at least garnered onlookers worried about the giant beached whale. Who’s giving them… a car? Anyway the folks […]

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Kylie Jenner Hides Stomach Casserole In First Post-Baby Pic

February 13, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Purchased bot followers everywhere are rejoicing now that their queen Kylie Jenner is finally back on Instagram after she took a hiatus to focus on the antichrist stewing in her ovaries. But it’s probably going to be a while until Kylie the pornstar is back in action now that her not-even-able-to-legally-drink twenty-year-old body has been ripped […]

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Kim Kardashian Reveals 24-Inch Waist Size At Book Club

February 13, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Fake news. Fake news fake news fake news. Kim Kardashian can’t read. After an afternoon of grazing in a field of penises and laxatives, the most majestic centaur around saddled up to her supposed “inaugural book club meeting” to spill the deets about her amazingly trim waist. In equine lingo so would be about 16 […]

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Blind Item: Which Celebrity Dad Had Sex With Daughters / Knocked Them Up

February 12, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Papa Joe Simpson, father of daughter-wives Jessica and Ashlee. What happens in Abilene, TX stays in Abilene, TX. But other people are saying Joe Jackson, father of Janet and La Toya, which when you think about it seems almost difficult not to believe. 

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See Omarosa’s Uncensored Boob From Celebrity Big Brother

February 12, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Now is a really good time to write about dumb shit going on in the world because things seem especially dumb and especially shit, and speaking of, today we’re going to look at Omarosa Manigault’s tit. This is a woman who as of January 20th of this year was the Director of Communications for the Office […]

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People Think It’s Okay To Sexualize Olympic Male Athletes’ Bulges

February 12, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Whatever you do in life please do not think that Alexandra Daddario’s DD rack looked motorboat-able in her Time’s Up finest at the 2018 Golden Globes. That would be seriously messed up and would set us back four-thousand-years. But while you’re at it, please also make sure to look at the dick bulges of male Olympic […]

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Gigi Hadid Slams H8ers, Is Not Anorexic Okay?

February 12, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

An old and overweight woman once told me that a person can never be too young, too thin, or too rich, to which I said “At what point did life take a dump on you” and to which I later thought “The old lard wagon has a point.” The three pillars of Hollwood success – aside […]

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Ariel Winter Still Auditioning For Dove

February 11, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Okay already you’re hired. It’s been a while since we checked in on Ariel Winter, probably because once we got to know her mom Crystal we knew that Ariel wasn’t even the best Winter. But this whole time Ariel has been pounding her box in Instagram and Snapchat workout videos for any gyms, protein supplements, or […]

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