Tess Holliday Lays Out Fat Lady Protocols

August 10, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

British super-size me self-described model, Tess Holliday, is helping men in particular to understand the only acceptable ways to interact with overweight women. She wasn’t elected, but she is enormous, so who’s going to stop her? Gravity is one answer. City snowplow rentals don’t arrive until December.

Tess Holliday busted a guy on social media who complimented his chunky wife with a photo of them both and a description of how he much he loves her as is:

I love this woman and her curvy body. I was often teased by my friends for my attraction to girls on the thicker side, ones who were shorter and curvier, girls that the average (basic) bro might refer to as ‘chubby’ or even ‘fat’. For me, there is nothing sexier than this woman right here: thick thighs, big booty, cute little side roll, etc. Her shape and size won’t be the one featured on the cover of Cosmopolitan, but it’s the one featured in my life and in my heart.”

Kiss-ass. Also, according to Holliday, a micro-aggression the size of four Arby’s Beef and Cheddars smashed into a single handful of meat and carbs. Trying to stay contextually relevant with the metaphors.

Holliday slammed the husband for deigning to provide the male acceptance for overweight women. As if that’s needed. Also how women especially fawn over men who accept their fat wives and girlfriends while women who accept themselves online are treated to diabetes jokes. Not to mention the real diabetes.

“Stop giving men trophies for doing the bare minimum.”

What is the not bare minimum? Adding sympathy pounds so you can fuck the Obamacare actuarial tables together?

Stretching super far, Holliday may have backed into a valid point. First, shut the fuck up about your fat wife. If she’s hot, show us her tits. If she’s not, we don’t need an update on your mutual validation. This is the Internet. It’s for porn.

Mildly granted, a woman or a man shouldn’t need a third party validation to delude themselves into thinking that being obese is the same as trying hard to be fit. Delusions by nature are meant to be introspective. A strong person by nature doesn’t need to be seconded by their spouse. Since Holliday equates fat with strong, you can see the logic tree building. Also it’s low hanging fruit she keeps eating without use of her pterodactyl hands.

Since nobody really knows how not to micro-aggrieve macro-sized people, having a perpetually pissed off and engorged woman angrily explain the rules seems like a great first step. When have inmates not run the asylum well?

Photo credit: Instagram

Tags: tess holliday